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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26555128">your kind of love i won’t ever forget</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eskosesa/pseuds/eskosesa'>eskosesa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Eventual Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:48:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26555128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eskosesa/pseuds/eskosesa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Taeyong thinks that Johnny smells a lot like of those great things such as fresh apples, comfort, and happiness.</p><p>But his most favorite out of all is that he smells a lot like home.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>your kind of love i won’t ever forget</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Growing up in a household of bad representations of love is what mostly shaped Taeyong as a person.</p><p>His ears have become accustomed to the venomous words that flowed out of his parents’ mouths towards each other, almost becoming a music to his ears, worse is, it has become a lullaby that urged him to connect with slumber every night.</p><p>The visual representation of his parents’ heavy hands that hurt themselves in every fight they could afford to make, is what his poor eyes had to witness in every waking day of his life.</p><p>The growing melancholy deep inside his guts, spreading quickly like a forest fire, is what feeds his hunger for love and affection. Somehow, it is that what kept him from going, body and mind are aching to feel how it feels to never be sad and lonesome anymore.</p><p>Home is a place you’re supposed to be safe. But Taeyong was very unfortunate to never feel safe, even <em>fucking</em> once, inside their abode. Home became a distant place in his heart, a place that is terrifyingly empty, as hollow as his heart and as miserable as his soul.</p><p>Under the oak tree at the back of their house, his mother saw him crying there once. With careful steps, she approached her devastated son, sobbing hard.</p><p>Twenty five year old Taeyong remembers so well how eighteen year old Taeyong flinched at the slightest touch his mother gave him that very moment. It’s still vivid in his mind how much he hated the fact that his mother is about to comfort him after she and her husband had fought.</p><p>Nonetheless, he gave in. Just like always.</p><p>He gave in to the warm embrace of his mother, because as much as he try to convince himself that he hated his mother that day, he couldn’t stomach the mere fact that he could hurt his mother again by simply walking away from her.</p><p>A long awful silence washed over them.</p><p>His mother is still caging him inside her tight embrace, gingerly rocking their bodies from side to side. A familiar lullaby is what he heard after a few seconds, not the harsh, cacophonous type of sounds he’s used to hearing, but the soft melody his mother used to sing to him when he was very little—from when she had time to attend to his affectionate needs and even before his world starts crumbling down.</p><p>Taeyong felt so weird, a combination of desolation and misery came washing over him that very moment instead of contentment and happiness upon hearing the same old lullaby. It immediately brought more big, fat tears in his eyes.</p><p>It should be comforting, until it wasn’t.</p><p>And the memories from that very moment, too, were still vivid. The words of his mother that struck him most are still ringing in his ears.</p><p><em>If you truly love someone, you’d let them go whatever circumstances you’re both under. Allow them to let you let them go.</em> Taeyong remembers, it was what his mother had told him when his father left them.</p><p><em>But how could you love someone you know you’ll never truly love until the end?</em> Taeyong felt his mother go still with his inquiry, but he chose to continue. <em>You never loved him, didn’t you?</em> He could also remember his mother’s reaction upon his bold question, <em>and so he was to you.</em></p><p>
  <em>I wish your father and I have met in a different situation. A different time. A different place. Maybe if that was to happen, we never had to inflict harm on you and your sister.</em>
</p><p><em>And yourselves, too.</em> Taeyong told her with finality lingering in his voice.</p><p>It only brought tears in his mother’s eyes. She tried to will them out, but to no avail, now that her son is looking through her with sadness swimming in his eyes. He knew. Taeyong knew that his parents were unloving to each other, the spark no longer there—maybe the spark wasn’t really there to begin with. No more reason to stay, even him and his sister were never an enough reason for him to stay.</p><p>So he left.</p><p>For good.</p><p>Taeyong lived his eighteen years witnessing thousands of arguments his parents could afford to make. It was never-ending, as though if they ever stopped hurting each other the world could break into two. His sister couldn’t even protect him no more and left him too.</p><p>He can’t really blame her, though. He could have left, too, but he was just a child with nothing.</p><p>Where to even begin? That he doesn’t know.</p><p>But as far as the twenty five year old Taeyong is concerned, past is a part of his life that’s inevitable and impossible to erase. In fact, it is something he refuse to get rid of.</p><p>It was painful, no doubt. But those painful memories were the reason that caused him to conquer his own constricting lungs for air, to dry his own tears that wished to stain his cheeks and pillowcase, to understand the very fact that the pain he’s experiencing is something that could be useful to him someday.</p><p>Past is there, standing high and almighty, looming over like a giant shadow ready to swallow him up and alive, but it can’t hurt him no more as it did before for his skin has gotten thicker over the past years, enough to shield him from what lies upon that’s willing to hurt him.</p><p>Although he knew well enough that reaching into another soul won’t easily mend what’s been broken or make him whole again. But it truly made things lighter and better when he did. As if things will be better again after the passing of his mother.</p><p>After everything, he’s still his mother.</p><p>Something naturally withered in him as soon as he lost her, like a wilting flower that was forgotten to be watered and place where it could reach the sunlight. Especially when his father never bothered to attend her funeral, at least even as a decent human being not as a husband.</p><p>His faith was walking into thin glasses back in those moments, leaving him unmoving or else he’ll manage to have his own demise.</p><p>But then Johnny came, slowly and carefully pulled him out of the terrible place he took refuge for more than a decade. The darkness and death.</p><p>He was someone as close to salvation.</p><p>Someone who held him tight inside his loving arms, spared him from the awful things in life that comes. Someone who listened to his worries. Someone who never judged. Someone who cried with him in times of letting out anger and melancholy. Someone who never used his words as a weapon but as protection and support.</p><p>The very someone who he came to open up his fragile and patched up heart to—give a piece of him and never return. Who he had willingly broke down the gigantic walls that guard him for.</p><p>Meeting Johnny felt like a fresh breath of air. A warm touch of skin amidst winter, homely in front the fireplace. Like the morning sunlight after a heavy storm overnight and ocean waves that coursed through his veins, surging motivation to keep seeing the beautiful and bright side of life.</p><p>Johnny is everything he’s never had before so he let his mind and heart be conquered by love.</p><p>As terrifying as that sounds for someone who never had the grasp of what love truly is, he still granted Johnny access.</p><p>And for what?</p><p>To finally have a grasp of the idea of love? To feel how is it to love? Or to feel how it is to be loved?</p><p>The answer is simple.</p><p>Everything.</p><p>All of that are what aches him to take a step forward and let himself be enveloped by Johnny’s loving arms, safe and sound.</p><p>Taeyong eventually untightens his armors, willing to be devoured by Johnny’s power to love and ways to give love. Something he’s willing to learn how to.</p><p>Right now, Taeyong fails to feel conscious of what he’s currently doing. Mind full of wonderful and grateful moments with the other, that for an outsider’s perspective, he might look as someone from a romantic movie.</p><p>His eyes have nowhere else to look but Johnny, sitting so handsomely across him looking through the menu. Tonight they would celebrate their third anniversary of being together, and Taeyong simply can’t fathom where he would be tonight if he never met Johnny.</p><p>Will he be alright? Waking up just fine? Content and happy?</p><p>Not really, Taeyong thinks.</p><p>Although he knew he’s stronger than how others give him credit for, that somehow he could’ve still survived it alone, it’s still a miracle to meet a wonderful person like Johnny and that’s something he will never trade for anything.</p><p>He truly considers himself lucky and now well loved.</p><p>“Does nothing in the menu appeals to your liking, baby?” Johnny asks, closing the thin book of menu but not entirely by placing a hand in between to later continue where he left off if Taeyong wants to stay.</p><p>Taeyong blinks, line of thought visibly interrupted by his lover.</p><p>“Am I that appetizing better than these mouth-watering dishes in here?” Johnny questions and points a finger on the menu, a light tease evident in his inquiry. But then he also wonders what his lover has been thinking.</p><p>Taeyong snorts, though, Johnny isn’t entirely wrong with that. He is absolutely stunning tonight. So handsome and Taeyong can’t help but stare at him, never a tiring thing to do as if Johnny is his favorite movie he’d willingly watch over and over and over again.</p><p>“Thank you.” Says Taeyong, voice so soft. Almost like a whisper. Completely lovestruck. Eyes sparkling with fondness and tender love.</p><p>As soon as he heard it, Johnny straightens himself up on his seat unconsciously. Confusion begins to line in his facial expression. “What for, my love?”</p><p>“For everything.” Taeyong smiles, genuinely so. As much as he can, he wills his eyes to stop from welling up. “I know it will never be enough, but thank you for everything, my love. For loving me amidst all the chaos that almost destroyed me. For helping me feel something again other than pain.” He sighs, hands are trembling a little, but Johnny noticed and carefully placed his hand on top of Taeyong’s shaking one. “Just for everything.”</p><p>Johnny’s thumb that was caressing Taeyong’s hand felt grounding.</p><p>“You have nothing to thank me for.” Johnny mirrors his lover’s smile. “I should be the one to thank you for letting me in and for never pushing me away. You did your best to heal and I’m forever proud of you, my love.”</p><p>Taeyong really did his best not to cry, tonight was supposed to be all about just fun and smiles, but Johnny’s words were enough to let his tears roll on his cheeks.</p><p>As always, Johnny’s there to catch those tears and wipe them away from his lover’s beautiful face. They both know it’s happy tears, but Johnny still stood from his seat and leaned closely to his lover to capture Taeyong’s lips in attempt to comfort him.</p><p>Taeyong cradles Johnny’s face, so gently as if it’s the most precious thing in the world.</p><p>They smiled into the kiss, effectively putting Taeyong in a better state just like it always does when he’s not in the best mood.</p><p>Johnny smells like fresh apples and comfort, which gives him a sense of nostalgic feeling much like as what their apartment smells like at four in the morning when he’s decided to bake out of nowhere, which would wake Johnny up but would never question him instead he’ll stay close to Taeyong and help around the kitchen.</p><p>Happiness is a feeling, not much to think about how it would smell if it ever was a scent. But in most days, Taeyong thinks he could now easily distinguish what kind of smell happiness has.</p><p>It smells a lot like Johnny too. Like when he’s swaying his cute butt in the laundry room while waiting for the last remaining minutes in the washing machine before it rings and tells him it’s done. Or when he goes back home to Chicago, all smiles and giddiness.</p><p>But most of all, his favorite scent that Johnny has ever made was called: <em>home</em>.</p><p>Johnny smells a lot like home.</p><p>Something between fresh and sweet, never the unpleasant ones like he remembers from the house he grew up in. It’s very different.</p><p>Johnny is different.</p><p>And he’s lucky to finally have found his home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much for making it this far! it’ll be really sweet if you tell me how it was. comments and kudos are one of my happy pills ♡(˃͈ દ ˂͈ ༶ )</p></blockquote></div></div>
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